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I don’t know the answer right now, but give me a little time, and I’ll find it for you.
When I got my yoga teacher training license, one of my biggest lessons - and one I was unprepared for - was the reminder that I can always say, “Idon’t know.” This is not in support of copping out. This is in praise of giving ourselves the grace of not having to know everything all the time always. Often, not having the answer breaks me out in a cold sweat. But if, in the moment, I can give myself a bit of internal space and admit, “I don’t know the answer right now, but give me a little time, and I’ll find it for you,” I open the door for others to do the same.
What I appreciated most about speaking with Manny Palachuck, a successful businessman, coach, speaker, and author, is his ability to admit when he doesn’t know the answer. Surely, someone so warm and quietly confident, someone so accomplished must inherently just KNOW all the things, right? Manny is big on the Mastermind - surrounding yourself with likeminded people with whom you can bounce around ideas and solutions. Who enjoy working through the muck with objective and caring minds. I’m thrilled to discover that I have accidentally already managed to create one in my life: a core group of friends from diverse backgrounds who can give me loving and alternate opinions and advice. I’m not sure where my initial inability to ask for help comes from. I think a lot of successful people feel like they should be able to do it all themselves, and then get trapped in a bog, wondering why they can’t fight their way out.
As someone who accomplished a lot as a young person, I became very settled into the idea that I was good at certain and specific things. I had a wheelhouse, (PREPARED! FLEXIBLE!) and I stuck to it. But what happens when I think outside the box? Mention the term team building to me and you’ll probably see me desperately trying to stifle an eye roll. I imagine cringey theater games, and souvenir T-shirts I’ll only ever wear in the privacy of my own home while dying my hair. But I quite love Manny‘s metaphor of taking a team sailing - of everyone doing a different job on the boat for half an hour at a time and then switching. Not only do you learn as a team how the boat works as a whole, but you may discover a hidden talent or joy you’d never even dreamed of.
Last week, I did an escape room with some friends who started up a scrappy, pre-covid-times team. I was excited to be invited because I always thought I was really good at puzzles. But it turns out there are people who are far superior than I. And I made a pretty big discovery about myself. I’ve got gumption I didn’t realize I had. You need me to crawl through that dark hole to pull a lever I can’t see that opens the next door? I’m your gal. You need someone to thrust their hand into what looks like a vat of boiling oil to grab a key? I’m not even rolling up my sleeve. But this is not something I would’ve normally thought about myself.
I typically thrive with structure and rules, and knowing my place. Yet being silly and relaxed with a group of friends trying to solve a series of challenging puzzles taught me that I’m more fearless than I thought. I used to believe that all I have to contribute to a situation is my reliability. But I’m discovering that I can lean further into the abyss than I realized. I can say “I don’t know” and still contribute…
